ibeggedformercytwice:

televisionismypatronus:

mystolenthunder:

yourlandladynotyourmanservant:

myrealityisobscured:

sussexdowns:

murrehtrishoos:

sussexdowns:

murrehtrishoos:

theraggedyhipster:

SHERLOCK THESE ARE NOT THE WORST THINGS ABOUT LIVING WITH YOU

#we will never be short of body parts #i do not approve of using the kitchen for something as silly as food #my brother will probably kidnap you every so often #our flat will be searched for drugs occasionally #the rent will fluctuate depending on bullet holes explosion damage or acid corrosion #also you will never be allowed any other friends

#none of your property is sacred#personal space is a non-issue#all your money are belong to me#you are expected not to leave the house unless following after myself#starving is always a possibility#as is ingesting toxins by mistake#insults will be issued on a regular basis#oh and don’t mind that smell it’s just Mrs Hudson in the flat below — she does enjoy her soothers…

#you will have to cook and do the washing up and even my laundry #and apologize to everyone on my behalf because i’m a twat #the violin-playing will be dismal and out of tune and not actually have any semblance to music#also it will be played at random times like four in the morning #you might be taken hostage or hurt every so often #and oh #you will have to do the shopping of course #don’t forget the milk

#You’ll be expected to come when I call#A bit like a dog actually#But a dog that understands text messages…#Actually speaking of text messages: you’ll be expected to send my texts when I am too lazy to do so myself and this includes times when you are half way across London and have to run all the way back#Also you’ll have to ignore your doctor’s instincts because I don’t take shit from anyone and I’ll neglect food and load up on excessive amounts of nicotine patches and punch sleep in it’s metaphorical face if I want to because I can and there’s nothing you can do about it#My brother will stop by more regularly than pleasurable and probably victimize you with insults you won’t even understand until three days later#Which I may also do at times#You’ll be doing all of the house keeping because our landlady is in fact not a housekeeper and I can’t be bothered to do anything about that but make bigger messes so good luck with that#The bills and all manner of unpleasant business will be your responsibility#Including dealing with Anderson after I tell him off#And you’ll inevitably have to deal with the fact that people are going to assume that I not only dominate all of your time and effort in every day life but also you in the bedroom#They’re going to call you gay John#Very very gay

THEY ARE GOING TO CALL YOU GAY JOHN

VERY VERY GAY

^

This post just keeps getting better and better every time it appears on my dash. 

ALWAYS REBLOG.

#I am going to ruin every relationship you are in #I’ll make you my friend #before I drug you and force you into a cage #I’ll then drag you half way across London #after you punch the chief superintendent #from that I’ll then just jump off a building #and leave you depressed for three years #You’ll be the grieving widow #The very very gay grieving widow